HELP! My boyfriend hits me!
By Jaz Cashmere
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(Based on true events) – I’m not ‘man bashing’ I’m just saying: this is how it is...
I hinted in my last article about makeup how eerily possible it is for one to be with someone for a tremendous amount of time and not have a clue who they really are. Case in point: an ex boyfriend I had with whom I spent alot of my time and believed I knew inside out while we were together, was recently implicated in a domestic violence spat. I was absolutely taken aback. In fact, I totally denied it in my own head because that wasn’t the guy I was with. Until, lo and behold, ANOTHER girl came out and admitted that he use to hit her as well. Well ain’t that something...
I told myself that maybe I was just one of the lucky ones to never see that side of him, but like one of my friends said to me the other day “All of us aren’t so lucky”. Millions have written about it, thousands have reported it and moreover, millions more continue to experience it. So I dare to ask the following questions – though billions have pondered before me- why do women stay in abusive relationships? Moreover what drives a man to hit a woman?
I hate when the word ‘love’ is thrown into the equation to make it seem as though the man is justified for hitting his mate and the woman is justified for being unable to leave him. I have never been in the position, but I, like every other woman who hasn’t ever witnessed such trauma, have always told myself that I’d always leave the moment my other half shows his violent side to me. But really, how possible is it? Surveys have shown that the top two reasons women stay with abusive men is fear and the fact that they ‘love the loveable him’. So what about the hateable him? The one that slams your head into the wall, grabs your neck and squeezes it until you nearly black out?
Unfortunately I don’t have the answers, and answers won’t be given for these situations unless and until more women begin to face those fears and actually walk away. To date I still don’t think we have gotten into the minds of enough battered women to really hear the variations of their reasoning. I think the world automatically blocks them out the moment they say ‘I can’t leave them’ and that is where we ultimately fail. As much as these women should have the savvy enough to walk away, they don’t have the courage. As such, they need a push, a tug, a shove from us ( and not a violent one)- something to get them out of there! But we often take the ‘keep out of the people’s business’ standpoint. And while that may be the noble thing, I think that our inability to actually poke our nose in their business once and twice could actually contribute to their compliance.
Of all the stories I have heard (doing what I do, you hear ALOT), only two women have ever admitted to being able to leave their other half after being hit just once. TWO women- out of over 100 stories. Imagine how much more adverse the figures are in a wider population of abused women! But that’s the kind of strength more women need to have- unfortunately, that’s the kind of strength the average battered woman does not have.
According to the American Medical Association, about 30 percent of women seeking care in emergency rooms in the United States are battered women. The study also says that domestic violence is more common than automobile accidents, muggings, and rapes combined as a cause of injury. About 25 percent of women who attempt to commit suicide are domestic violence victims.
It’s amazing how advanced the world has become, yet some of our Neanderthal customs have still managed to survive. I believe though, that if you preach it long enough, you’re bound to turn a few heads every time you preach. So I will join the world of preachers: If you are in an abusive relationship I say this to you: be unforgiving. Nothing can compensate for the disrespect and physical pain that a man can cause you by raising his hand to hit you. You may not have the physical strength to fight back, but show him you have the emotional strength and self respect to leave and never come back...
Easier said than done right? I know, it’s a work in progress.
So start working...
