HELP! My boyfriend hits me!
By Jaz Cashmere
plz follow my facebook page : http://www.facebook.com/?sk=messages&tid=1574750219819#!/pages/Jazs-365/168891709812218
(Based on true events) – I’m not ‘man bashing’ I’m just saying: this is how it is...
I hinted in my last article about makeup how eerily possible it is for one to be with someone for a tremendous amount of time and not have a clue who they really are. Case in point: an ex boyfriend I had with whom I spent alot of my time and believed I knew inside out while we were together, was recently implicated in a domestic violence spat. I was absolutely taken aback. In fact, I totally denied it in my own head because that wasn’t the guy I was with. Until, lo and behold, ANOTHER girl came out and admitted that he use to hit her as well. Well ain’t that something...
I told myself that maybe I was just one of the lucky ones to never see that side of him, but like one of my friends said to me the other day “All of us aren’t so lucky”. Millions have written about it, thousands have reported it and moreover, millions more continue to experience it. So I dare to ask the following questions – though billions have pondered before me- why do women stay in abusive relationships? Moreover what drives a man to hit a woman?
I hate when the word ‘love’ is thrown into the equation to make it seem as though the man is justified for hitting his mate and the woman is justified for being unable to leave him. I have never been in the position, but I, like every other woman who hasn’t ever witnessed such trauma, have always told myself that I’d always leave the moment my other half shows his violent side to me. But really, how possible is it? Surveys have shown that the top two reasons women stay with abusive men is fear and the fact that they ‘love the loveable him’. So what about the hateable him? The one that slams your head into the wall, grabs your neck and squeezes it until you nearly black out?
Unfortunately I don’t have the answers, and answers won’t be given for these situations unless and until more women begin to face those fears and actually walk away. To date I still don’t think we have gotten into the minds of enough battered women to really hear the variations of their reasoning. I think the world automatically blocks them out the moment they say ‘I can’t leave them’ and that is where we ultimately fail. As much as these women should have the savvy enough to walk away, they don’t have the courage. As such, they need a push, a tug, a shove from us ( and not a violent one)- something to get them out of there! But we often take the ‘keep out of the people’s business’ standpoint. And while that may be the noble thing, I think that our inability to actually poke our nose in their business once and twice could actually contribute to their compliance.
Of all the stories I have heard (doing what I do, you hear ALOT), only two women have ever admitted to being able to leave their other half after being hit just once. TWO women- out of over 100 stories. Imagine how much more adverse the figures are in a wider population of abused women! But that’s the kind of strength more women need to have- unfortunately, that’s the kind of strength the average battered woman does not have.
According to the American Medical Association, about 30 percent of women seeking care in emergency rooms in the United States are battered women. The study also says that domestic violence is more common than automobile accidents, muggings, and rapes combined as a cause of injury. About 25 percent of women who attempt to commit suicide are domestic violence victims.
It’s amazing how advanced the world has become, yet some of our Neanderthal customs have still managed to survive. I believe though, that if you preach it long enough, you’re bound to turn a few heads every time you preach. So I will join the world of preachers: If you are in an abusive relationship I say this to you: be unforgiving. Nothing can compensate for the disrespect and physical pain that a man can cause you by raising his hand to hit you. You may not have the physical strength to fight back, but show him you have the emotional strength and self respect to leave and never come back...
Easier said than done right? I know, it’s a work in progress.
So start working...
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Addicted to Google
“Hi, my name is Jaz and I’m addicted to Google” – I’ve thought about saying these words many times after attending a Google-holic’s Anonymous meeting. Then I realised that there is no such meeting in the world.
But the truth is, I am indeed addicted to Google and it’s not in the least bit funny. I have Google as my webpage on every internet based gadget I own- which comes down to just all the computers I use and my phone so don’t get excited. But I feel so powerful to know that no matter where I go, any argument I get into I can prove my opponent wrong- or be proven wrong myself- by the simple click of a button.
How eye sparkling is it for me to see those blue, red, yellow and green letters appear across my screen knowing that the world of information is at my disposal!
Ok, so I admit it: I am certainly addicted to Google. In fact I often use the very blasphemous statement “Google is my Bible” on a daily basis. I even Googled the word ‘Google’ to see what results would come up just so that I could learn about the mysterious search engine.
The thought for the search engine was birthed in 1996 by Larry Page and Sergey Brin as a research project. Originally named ‘Backrub’, Page and Brin aimed at theorising a better search engine that analysed the relationships between websites. Eventually they changed the name to Google, which was their misspelled version of the word “googol”- the number ‘one’ followed by one hundred zeros. To the two brilliant minds, this signified the amount of information their search engine could handle. 14 years later and voila! We have what was described by BBC Commentator Bill Thompson as the ‘Coca Cola of the internet- sweet, available everywhere and the first choice of the consumer’.
But many have argued that Google, like every other cyberspace entity, has been ‘shrinking’ our brains due to our growing dependence to gather information that is on the surface as opposed to picking up several books and reading thoroughly about the matter. Without a doubt, gone are the days when we use book lists as references and instead resort to typing in key words in the search box and reading the first few sites that come up.
Nicholas Carr, an American writer and notorious blogger wrote an article “Is Googling making us stoopid?” and explored the seeming damage that cyberspace on the whole has had on his intelligence and thought process: 'What the net seems to be doing, is chipping away my capacity for concentration and contemplation. My mind now expects to take in information the way the net distributes it: in a swiftly moving stream of particles. Once I was a scuba diver in the sea of words. Now I zip along the surface like a guy on a Jet Ski.'
So after having been involved in a scandalous affair with my fair ‘Google’, I am now ashamed, thinking that for so long I have been a walking zombie dependent on the Search button to fuel my hunger. But I am not alone, I am sure. In fact there are numerous blogs out there where people make a career out of discussing every single feature the mass company has behind its name. In fact, it’s not even just about searching anymore- Google now has an array of services in the form of maps, ads, directories- the works.
But I think we just can’t get away from it. If you asked me, not enough people use it. The amount of times per day I have to give the answer ‘Google it’ to a question that someone doesn’t know is beyond counting. The thing is, why not have information at your fingertips? Is that so bad? Sure, I agree with the experts who feel that picking up a book is always better but in today’s world where technology has without a doubt taken over, why not have walking encyclopedias at hand? In fact, the books that these cavemen speak of are most likely now found online as well.
So I say to every addict of Google out there: Fear not, for there is no harm in loving a fast feed of information. The only thing we have to fear is that our dependence on technology backfires to haunt us in the end: like an I-Robot revolution or something of the sort. But that’s another story…
But the truth is, I am indeed addicted to Google and it’s not in the least bit funny. I have Google as my webpage on every internet based gadget I own- which comes down to just all the computers I use and my phone so don’t get excited. But I feel so powerful to know that no matter where I go, any argument I get into I can prove my opponent wrong- or be proven wrong myself- by the simple click of a button.
How eye sparkling is it for me to see those blue, red, yellow and green letters appear across my screen knowing that the world of information is at my disposal!
Ok, so I admit it: I am certainly addicted to Google. In fact I often use the very blasphemous statement “Google is my Bible” on a daily basis. I even Googled the word ‘Google’ to see what results would come up just so that I could learn about the mysterious search engine.
The thought for the search engine was birthed in 1996 by Larry Page and Sergey Brin as a research project. Originally named ‘Backrub’, Page and Brin aimed at theorising a better search engine that analysed the relationships between websites. Eventually they changed the name to Google, which was their misspelled version of the word “googol”- the number ‘one’ followed by one hundred zeros. To the two brilliant minds, this signified the amount of information their search engine could handle. 14 years later and voila! We have what was described by BBC Commentator Bill Thompson as the ‘Coca Cola of the internet- sweet, available everywhere and the first choice of the consumer’.
But many have argued that Google, like every other cyberspace entity, has been ‘shrinking’ our brains due to our growing dependence to gather information that is on the surface as opposed to picking up several books and reading thoroughly about the matter. Without a doubt, gone are the days when we use book lists as references and instead resort to typing in key words in the search box and reading the first few sites that come up.
Nicholas Carr, an American writer and notorious blogger wrote an article “Is Googling making us stoopid?” and explored the seeming damage that cyberspace on the whole has had on his intelligence and thought process: 'What the net seems to be doing, is chipping away my capacity for concentration and contemplation. My mind now expects to take in information the way the net distributes it: in a swiftly moving stream of particles. Once I was a scuba diver in the sea of words. Now I zip along the surface like a guy on a Jet Ski.'
So after having been involved in a scandalous affair with my fair ‘Google’, I am now ashamed, thinking that for so long I have been a walking zombie dependent on the Search button to fuel my hunger. But I am not alone, I am sure. In fact there are numerous blogs out there where people make a career out of discussing every single feature the mass company has behind its name. In fact, it’s not even just about searching anymore- Google now has an array of services in the form of maps, ads, directories- the works.
But I think we just can’t get away from it. If you asked me, not enough people use it. The amount of times per day I have to give the answer ‘Google it’ to a question that someone doesn’t know is beyond counting. The thing is, why not have information at your fingertips? Is that so bad? Sure, I agree with the experts who feel that picking up a book is always better but in today’s world where technology has without a doubt taken over, why not have walking encyclopedias at hand? In fact, the books that these cavemen speak of are most likely now found online as well.
So I say to every addict of Google out there: Fear not, for there is no harm in loving a fast feed of information. The only thing we have to fear is that our dependence on technology backfires to haunt us in the end: like an I-Robot revolution or something of the sort. But that’s another story…
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)